In today’s digital world, relationships often begin, grow, and sometimes even end through screens. Social media, messaging apps, and digital platforms have revolutionised how young people connect with their partners. But beyond the cute texts, late-night calls, and social media shoutouts lies a darker reality –technology-facilitated dating violence (TADV).

While dating violence has traditionally been associated with physical or verbal abuse, the rise of digital technology has introduced new, often invisible, forms of harm. From incessant message-checking to threats over disappearing WhatsApp ticks, young Nigerians are facing new challenges in navigating love and relationships online.

What is Technology-Facilitated Dating Violence?

TADV refers to digital monitoring, harassment, coercion, and control within intimate relationships. It includes:

🔹 Digital Monitoring & Control – Partners constantly checking each other’s location, demanding access to social media accounts, or using tracking apps without consent.
🔹 Digital Aggression – Sending threatening messages, posting embarrassing content, or using social media to harass a partner.
🔹 Digital Sexual Coercion – Pressuring someone to send explicit images or videos and threatening to share private content.

Many young people do not even realise these behaviours are abusive. In our study across three Nigerian universities, we found that perpetrators often justified their actions as “expressions of love” or ways to maintain control in the relationship. But in reality, these behaviours create a toxic power imbalance that can have long-term emotional and psychological consequences.

How Big is the Problem?

Our research shows that TADV is alarmingly common among young Nigerians:

📌 74% of participants reported experiencing some form of TADV.
📌 62% said they had been digitally monitored or controlled by a partner.
📌 47% experienced digital aggression, such as being harassed or threatened online.
📌 39% faced digital sexual coercion, including being pressured to share intimate content.
📌 81% of female victims reported significant emotional distress, compared to 54% of males.
📌 Despite these high numbers, only 16% sought help due to stigma, fear of escalation, or lack of awareness of available support.

Platforms like Instagram and WhatsApp were identified as the most common spaces where digital abuse occurred, blurring the lines between connection and control.

Why Are We Not Talking About This?

One of the biggest challenges in addressing TADV is the normalization of digital control. Many young people see constant location-sharing, password exchanges, and “checking in” as signs of trust rather than warning signs of a controlling relationship.

Additionally, stigma and silence prevent victims from speaking out. Unlike physical abuse, which leaves visible scars, digital abuse often operates in secrecy, making it easier to dismiss. In many cases, young women bear the brunt of the emotional toll, internalizing blame or staying in abusive relationships due to societal pressure.

What Needs to Change?

To tackle this growing issue, we need a multi-pronged approach that includes:

🔹 Digital Safety Education: Young people must be taught to recognize digital abuse and set boundaries in online relationships.
🔹 Gender-Sensitive Interventions: Since young women experience greater emotional distress, interventions must address gender dynamics and challenge harmful relationship norms.
🔹 Stronger Reporting Mechanisms: Social media platforms and digital communities must strengthen policies to detect and address TADV-related abuse.
🔹 Support Systems for Victims: Schools, community organizations, and online platforms need to create safe spaces where victims can seek help without fear of judgment.

Final Thoughts: Love Should not Hurt—Online or Offline

Technology has transformed the way young people experience relationships, but it has also created new risks. TADV is a silent but powerful form of abuse that demands urgent attention.

If you or someone you know is experiencing digital dating violence, know that love should not come at the cost of control, fear, or emotional harm. Let’s start having these conversations, challenging toxic norms, and building a digital culture where young people can experience love without fear.